Stopping, Starting, and Stopping Again
Flickr: Jonathan Pobre
Today was another laundry day, and for the second laundry day in a row I wrote 1000+ words in one sitting. I’d like to say that that should be my goal: that I will write at least 1000 words as my shirts and underwear go tumbling, but I know that if I do say that, if I do set that as my goal, then the next time I go do the laundry, I’ll only write about 250 words. I don’t want to jinx myself.
It’s depressing how my creative writing output has slowed to snail’s pace. I knew that once school started up again, I wouldn’t be able to match the output of 3000-5000 words a week that I had achieved over the summer. I knew I would be busy with my new teaching job, but I had no idea how mentally taxing it would be. It’s not just a matter of preparing tests and worksheets and lesson plans; I find myself simply thinking about school constantly. It consumes my mind and imagination, leaving me very little time to think about my story and my characters.
This blog is an example of the creative casualties I have suffered. During the summer, I always had a few upcoming blog topics lined up; I always had a backlog. Now, because I’m not thinking about my own writing as much, I struggle to think of blog post topics. When an idea comes along, such as the Wordle idea in the previous post, then I jump on it. Otherwise, though, I find myself drawing a blank when I realize I haven’t posted in a while and I need to think of something to write about.
Gertrude Stein used to say that writing is all about momentum: once you start, you tend to keep going until something stops you, and when you stop, it’s hard to get started again. That’s how I feel. Since September, I have — essentially — stopped, and it’s hard to get started.
Don’t beat up on yourself! Write what you can, when you can, and don’t fuss over “levels of productivity” and such. I know my own output (and quality) varies greatly from week to week. I just do what I can and let it accumulate. I’ve come to think that something like word count is a false measure, at least during the creative period.
I’m going to continue checking your blog every single day, and when you have a fresh post, I’ll read and enjoy it. When you don’t I’ll just try again the next day.
(And I understand about the demands of teaching and what they can do to your creative self. I only taught for a couple of years, but I could feel the effects even then.)
Thanks. I just don’t like the loss of momentum. Like most writers, I’m a procrastinator, and going for 8 or 9 days straight without writing is very dangerous. This blog, as a public document, serves as my anchor, keeping me from drifting away from my writing, so the fact that I also tend to go several days without posting something to this blog is even more worrisome. I’ve only posted 4 times in the month of October, and the month is two-thirds of the way done. Last June, I posted 16 times (I’m reading the “Archives” stats in the sidebar ;) ).